which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
