Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
