I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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