Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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