adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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