also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
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Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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