just come out here and I will go home with you...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
