just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
