I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
