the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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