I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
