it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
