Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
