and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
