I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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