my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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