did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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