You just made me feel so damn special
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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