Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
