I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
