Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
