Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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