I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
