I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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