Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
