You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
