Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
