Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
