the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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