Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
