Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
