Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
