woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize