yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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