so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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