I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
