DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
