you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
