yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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