why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
