Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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