making cat noises will not fix the situation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
