if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
