i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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