everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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