You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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