i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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