If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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