I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
