the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
