I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
