Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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