She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
