I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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