The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
