We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
