he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had sex on a roof
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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