this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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