I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So squirting runs in the family.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
