another moral hangover. fuck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
