who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
