I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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