I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
