people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Everything about him screamed your future.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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