I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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