Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
