Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
