it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
