respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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