She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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