I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
