47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
