Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
