pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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