bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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