you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hippo gnu deer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm always down for nudity.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
