How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You dont lie about slip and slides
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
