420 ftw
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
