When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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