I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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