I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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