So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
