i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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