I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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