I could make wine with my vomit
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
