he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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